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Ballerina polish


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#1 Alexandra

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Posted 06 August 2001 - 09:41 AM

While going through some old files at the time of the Sir Cam Virus Attack (nothing like a good virus to allow one to get intimately reacquainted with one's computer), I came across an old thread from alt.arts.ballet, c. November 1998. It got some very good responses then, and may well get them again.

The original post was by Geoffrey Kimbrough, to wit:

You would be amazed at how difficult it is to find ballerina polish these days. Nobody keeps it in stock anymore, and special-ordering it takes simply forever. They used to have it at SAB, but they've obviously run out recently. The Russian stockpiles are long-since depleted, and nobody seems to have a corner on the market, and the street-price of ballerina polish is skyrocketing. This explains why recent performances of even the world's best companies have seemed a little, well, tarnished. What to do?

To which I replied (edited slightly to update):

Dear Mr. Kimbrough:

We understand you are looking for ballerina polish. VVV Enterprises, Inc., Ltd. have long been fine purveyors of several products which may fill your needs. These polishes are usually quite expensive, but, now that the current state of depletion has been brought to our attention, we just may be
able to supply bulk quantities and ease the shortage. Check your local Wal-Mart in early December.

Among the products Triple Vee offers are the following:

Epaule and Epaule-Plus.
Epaule is for the shoulders, while Epaule-plus (a slightly more pricey polish) will bring the head and neck into alignment, add expressiveness, AND insure epaulement.

DePerk
Wipes that silly grin off the face and replaces it with a serene smile of classical repose.

Harmonia
Insures that pyrotechnics are harnessed and deployed in service of the choreography and the music.

Best used in connection with
Armonia Super
Causes a tingling in the arms to remind the dancer that he or she possesses arms AND helps harmonize the upper limbs with the rest of the body.

Is this what you had in mind?

All of our polishes are suitable to both male and female dancers and can be tailor made to match your stylistic preferences. (An a la Russe line is in the planning stages.)

We're always looking for new polishes (not to mention new markets to target). Any suggestions?

#2 cargill

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Posted 06 August 2001 - 11:45 AM

I don't know what it is called, but I would very much like to see something to relax the wrists, so they don't flick quite so violently at the end of a variation.

And of course, it would be nice to have a large stock of Antiguillem, to keep legs from jerking up at regular intervals.

#3 Manhattnik

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Posted 06 August 2001 - 12:35 PM

There's also the specialty item recently introduced by the management of NYCB: Ballerina Vanishing Creme.

#4 Victoria Leigh

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Posted 06 August 2001 - 12:41 PM

I would like several gallons of Round Arm Plus. Needed to counterattack major problem of straight to the side, flat, palms down position which seems to be considered à la seconde these days :( This condition is especially prevalent in turning movements, such as basic pirouettes en dehors, piqué turns en dehors and en dedans, everything moving in circles and diagonals involving turning, and of course fouettés.

#5 liebs

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Posted 06 August 2001 - 01:02 PM

You might also want to purchase some McBride Eyes, it helps your ballerina use her eyes to good effect and counteracts the dreaded blank stare.

#6 Alla

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Posted 06 August 2001 - 02:37 PM

Along with McBride Eyes, just in case, a tube of Eyebrow Tamer ... for the ballerina whose coquettish and/or vixenish impulses seem to settle in the arching of the brow. (Perhaps a special order for those troublesome "Apollo" soubrettes? And some on hold for anyone preparing to dance Odile?)

#7 BalletNut

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Posted 06 August 2001 - 04:40 PM

Certain dancers, it seems, would benefit greatly from a dose or two of Modesty Enhancer, which is a highly versatile elixir. Among its indications are: to eliminate the desire to milk curtain calls to death; to improve the ability to acknowledge one's partner; also for the reduction of triumphant mugging following difficult steps.

[ 08-06-2001: Message edited by: BalletNut ]

#8 felursus

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Posted 06 August 2001 - 10:26 PM

How about a goodly supply of Zaharova Tamer, a cream guaranteed to keep the extensions below 180 degrees unless absolutely essential; Finger Relaxer, an ointment designed to prevent claw-like hands; Grin-Softener Lip Creme - prevents over-exposure of the teeth; then there are two foot creams designed to solve different problems: Steel Shank, a cream with strengthening properties for those suffering "mush foot", and "Arch-So-Fine" for those unfortunate enough not to have beautiful, natural arches. The two foot creams may be used separately or together depending on the dancer's needs. Lastly, I offer "Audio Ointment", an application for the ears to help the tone deaf and unmusical better able to dance to the music. ;)

#9 Mel Johnson

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Posted 07 August 2001 - 09:29 PM

Well, she can't go wrong with starting her day "Jak sie masz?" (How do you do?), and "Prosze to powtorsyc" is always handy in rehearsal (Please say that again.), as is "Co to znaczy" (What does this mean?), and for uncooperative partners and irritating directors, there's always, "Sal' ma duppa!"

What that? Oh Ballerina polish! I thought you said ballerina Polish! Never mind! ;)

[ 08-07-2001: Message edited by: Mel Johnson ]

#10 Juliet

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Posted 08 August 2001 - 01:32 PM

This was the best, Mel...this was the best.


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