Jump to content
This Site Uses Cookies. If You Want to Disable Cookies, Please See Your Browser Documentation. ×

Corporate Sponsorship of the Classics...

Recommended Posts

So I'm listening to WQXR while I should be getting ready for work, and the DJ has hit upon what the Classics might become were they not safely in the public domain and free from corporate sponsorship. So we have:

The Sleeping Beautyrest

A Little Nytol Music

Samsonite and Delilah.

I've been wracking my brains, such as they are at this hour, to come up with something similar for ballet. Haven't succeeded yet.

Any takers?

Link to comment

Geez, doesn't anyone else want to play? These are courtesy of my husband:

Le Corvair (extremely demanding choreography that is unsafe at any tempo)

The Pontiac Firebird

Rite-Aid of Spring

Alfa Romeo and Juliet

Romeo and Gillette (in which the heroine uses a four-bladed razor to slit her wrists)

Link to comment

I love "Alfa Romeo and Juliet" (perhaps it would be "Alfa Romeo....and Juliet"?)

It's not a pun, but I've always thought Sominex was missing a golden opportunity for sponsoring Sleeping Beauty.

Nutrasweet (does it exist any more?) used to sponsor skating. Perhaps it would be good for a Nutcracker -- "The Kingdom of the [Nutra]Sweets." Or Splenda could do it.

The first search I did on the internet was for "Swan Lake" and I turned up dozens of vacation communities. An obvious opportunity for a realtor.

Link to comment

Or, name the flowers! You can sponsor Philodendrum (sp?), the fourth flower on the left in the finale for only $1,000 a performance.

Next, we'll have each dancer wearing a baseball cap with the sponsors' name on it. At first, they'll all be dance related, but give 'em a decade. It will help us identify them -- the duet danced by Dr. Pepper and Lean Cuisine, say.

Link to comment

My co-worker also suggested combining "Alfa Romeo and Juliet" with "Romeo and Gillette" to get "Alfa Romeo and Gillette." She's killed in a drive-by slashing with a 4-bladed razor.

My favorite is "Le Corvair (extremely demanding choreography that is unsafe at any tempo)." I wish I had time to come up with a plot. All I know is that the entrance of the Shades will become the Recall of the Shades.

Link to comment

"Nutella" -- the copyrighted combo version of Nutcracker and Cinderella

Prince Charming returns shoe hurled by Cinderella at the mice as they changed back from the horses that had just been pulling her coach. As he does so, he turns into the Nutcracker Prince himself. Carries Cindy (aka Clara, Marie, Masha) off to Land of the Sweets, where she develops a particular fondness for chocolated hazelnuts.

Link to comment

A Midsummer Night's Cream (proudly sponsored by Pond's)

FireStone Flower

Danilo stumbles upon a magical tire mountain guarded by a supernatural beauty who, with the help of the fine wines of the Firestone winery, makes him completely forget about his wife. The Mistress of Tire Mountain teaches him to carve incredibly beautiful flowers out of rubber.

CarMen (brought to you by Speedy Muffler)

Marguerite and Arm & Hammer (A public service broadcast paid for by the makers of the finest sodium bicarbonate in the world.)

Tragic tale of love and death due to lethal consumption of baking soda.

Link to comment
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Create New...