Manhattnik Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 So I'm listening to WQXR while I should be getting ready for work, and the DJ has hit upon what the Classics might become were they not safely in the public domain and free from corporate sponsorship. So we have: The Sleeping Beautyrest A Little Nytol Music Samsonite and Delilah. I've been wracking my brains, such as they are at this hour, to come up with something similar for ballet. Haven't succeeded yet. Any takers? Link to comment
Treefrog Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Ooh, this is a tough one. Symphony in See's Candies? Boeing Aerospace presents Apollo? Swanson Lake? (or perhaps, Swanson Latke?) The Jolly Green Giant Table? The Rites of Handspring? Do we have to provide the plots as well? Link to comment
Treefrog Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Oh, I almost forgot -- The Lalique Garden! Link to comment
Treefrog Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 The Nut Cracker Barrel I have GOT to pay more attention to work :rolleyes: :grinning: Link to comment
djb Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Of course, the divertissements in Act 2 of Nutcracker (chocolate, coffee, tea, etc.) could have as many different sponsors as there are productions. Link to comment
Treefrog Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Geez, doesn't anyone else want to play? These are courtesy of my husband: Le Corvair (extremely demanding choreography that is unsafe at any tempo) The Pontiac Firebird Rite-Aid of Spring Alfa Romeo and Juliet Romeo and Gillette (in which the heroine uses a four-bladed razor to slit her wrists) Link to comment
djb Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Is "Alfa Romeo and Juliet" the superior version of the ballet? Link to comment
pleiades Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 Dr. Scholl's Cinderella -- the shoe doesn't quite fit so there's an extra variation while they insert padding Matchlight charcoal's Pillar of Fire Aspartames Astarte (say that 10 times fast) Link to comment
Alexandra Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 I love "Alfa Romeo and Juliet" (perhaps it would be "Alfa Romeo....and Juliet"?) It's not a pun, but I've always thought Sominex was missing a golden opportunity for sponsoring Sleeping Beauty. Nutrasweet (does it exist any more?) used to sponsor skating. Perhaps it would be good for a Nutcracker -- "The Kingdom of the [Nutra]Sweets." Or Splenda could do it. The first search I did on the internet was for "Swan Lake" and I turned up dozens of vacation communities. An obvious opportunity for a realtor. Link to comment
djb Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 One of my co-workers suggested breaking up the ballets into sections for sponsors who don't want to make a very big contribution, e.g., Waltz of the 1-800-FLOWERS. Link to comment
Alexandra Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 Or, name the flowers! You can sponsor Philodendrum (sp?), the fourth flower on the left in the finale for only $1,000 a performance. Next, we'll have each dancer wearing a baseball cap with the sponsors' name on it. At first, they'll all be dance related, but give 'em a decade. It will help us identify them -- the duet danced by Dr. Pepper and Lean Cuisine, say. Link to comment
Tiffany Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 hilarious!! I am laughing out loud reading this post!!!! My favorite is Romeo and Gillette!! Link to comment
djb Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 My co-worker also suggested combining "Alfa Romeo and Juliet" with "Romeo and Gillette" to get "Alfa Romeo and Gillette." She's killed in a drive-by slashing with a 4-bladed razor. My favorite is "Le Corvair (extremely demanding choreography that is unsafe at any tempo)." I wish I had time to come up with a plot. All I know is that the entrance of the Shades will become the Recall of the Shades. Link to comment
Mel Johnson Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 The Sullivan County, NY, Department of Tourism presents Swan Lake. That's a small village of about 800 people and a few waterfowl in the Catskills. Link to comment
Alexandra Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Recall of the Shades is inspired -- their tutus are little cars. (Funnier if it were Le Volkswagen, but we can't have everything in this life.) Link to comment
Mel Johnson Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 The Kingdom of Shades scene is underwritten by Foster Grant. Link to comment
Marga Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 Don Quick Oats (sponsored by Quaker) Link to comment
Dolphingirl Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 La Bayerdere: painkillers for all the blistered feet and sore muscles after the performance are included! Link to comment
Marga Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 Afternoon of a Flan (as seen on PBS & Julia Child's "Baking with Julia") Link to comment
Marga Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 "She's Elle" -- TV special with Elle MacPherson as the delicate peasant-girl-turned-Wili. Link to comment
Marga Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 "Nutella" -- the copyrighted combo version of Nutcracker and Cinderella Prince Charming returns shoe hurled by Cinderella at the mice as they changed back from the horses that had just been pulling her coach. As he does so, he turns into the Nutcracker Prince himself. Carries Cindy (aka Clara, Marie, Masha) off to Land of the Sweets, where she develops a particular fondness for chocolated hazelnuts. Link to comment
carbro Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 Or Nabisco's Graham Crackers -- wherein the Flowers "waltz" on their backs while performing contractions. (apologies to ECM, SP, EC and JHS) Link to comment
Marga Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 A Midsummer Night's Cream (proudly sponsored by Pond's) FireStone Flower Danilo stumbles upon a magical tire mountain guarded by a supernatural beauty who, with the help of the fine wines of the Firestone winery, makes him completely forget about his wife. The Mistress of Tire Mountain teaches him to carve incredibly beautiful flowers out of rubber. CarMen (brought to you by Speedy Muffler) Marguerite and Arm & Hammer (A public service broadcast paid for by the makers of the finest sodium bicarbonate in the world.) Tragic tale of love and death due to lethal consumption of baking soda. Link to comment
carbro Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 Saran-Ade, in which the ladies are clad in kitchen wrap. The Cage, sponsored by Raid. Link to comment
Treefrog Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 I like Saran-Ade! The costumes could be quite spectacular. Shades of that '70s book. Link to comment
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