THE BALLETTALK FRACTURED FAIRYTALE CONTEST!!1!!1!

[Leigh Witchel]

So as I was sitting down last night to see 4Ts, my companion asked, "Which are the Four Temperaments again?" To which I replied, pretty much without thinking. . ."Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy and Dopey."

Needless to say, this was too good to pass up.

Over to you, BalletTalkers. Does anyone care to write the fairy tale of Snow White and The Four Temperaments? You may rename your temperamental dwarves at will.

Hi ho!

[Mel Johnson]

Jeez! August again? How time flies!

ONCE UPON A TIME, there was a ballet student named Snow White, and she was seeking a good ballet teacher. As it happened there were only four in her part of the forest and they were all dwarves. Their names were Stumpy, Dumpy, Lumpy, and Crazy.

Snow White went to the first studio and took a class from Stumpy. All Stumpy did was scream at everybody in Russian, which nobody understood, slap them and grab their legs and push them toward the ceiling. This was especially annoying when Snow White was in first position. "This is too rough for me," thought Snow, "The atmosphere is too angry!"

The next day, Snow White went over to take class from Dumpy. All Dumpy did was cry about "the old days", and moan when a student did something. "Oy, you can't do that like Preobrajenska! NOBODY can do that like Preobrajenska could!" Or Tallchief, or Fonteyn, or Joyce Cuoco. "This is too depressing," thought Snow White.

The next day, she went to Lumpy's studio, and walked in to find Lumpy lying on the floor, and reciting the class orally to the students. Lumpy didn't move a bit during the whole class, and gave no corrections. Snow White thought, "I won't learn a thing from this lazy bum!"

Finally, Snow White went over to Crazy's. And Crazy gave a sort of weird class, but was always cheerful. "Darling, you look MAARVELOUS!" Crazy would say to everything, then there would be a party after every class where everybody got happily squiffed. "I dunno if I'll learn much, but they're certainly much more enjoyable here."

So she stayed at Crazy's and danced happily ever after. Not very well, but then everybody there was very happy about it.

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: Ain't it great to be Crazy? Good business, too!

[perky]

Not dwarves per se but:

Once upon a time a girl named Snow White was running from an evil stepmother who gave her fright.

"I'll lose her at The Met," she thought, "and see Nina A. in Don Q, but she hopped on the wrong bus and now was lost too!

"Oh what shall I do!", wailed the frightened young girl, "I'll help you", replied a lady covered in diamonds, rubies and pearls.

"My name is Mathilda", she said with an imperial wave of her hand, "and my boyfriend is the Grand Duke of a faraway land!"

"You know Dear, I'll help you," replied a cultured voice. "In order to get to The Met there is only one choice! I am George and my advise to you, if you want to get there than Dear JUST DO!"

"I'll help you!" shouted a fiery young man with a Tartar face, as he leaped in the air with a patherine grace. "I am Rudi, and I can get you there, but first I must ask Margo for the required bus fare!"

Suddenly a calm gentle voice could be heard above the fray, "I shall help you", she replied and floated toward Snow with a lovely pas de bourree. "I am Suzanne, but you can call me Roberta Sue." Then she waved her alabaster arm and transported Snow to The Met with nary a wrinkle on her Diamonds tutu.

A happy and relieved Snow White raced up to her seats, unfortunately her sightlines was so bad she should have crossed the plaza to see The 4T's.