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Ballet Police Patrol Hummingbird Centre!


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#1 creativejuice

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Posted 13 July 2003 - 03:16 PM

The National Ballet of Canada takes policing its audience members very seriously! Below is a link outlining detailed guidelines for audience behavior at the Hummingbird Centre: http://www.national....h/etiquette.php

Sure you’re laughing now! One misfortunate soul who callously broke the strict “No Cell Phone” bylaw was shocked when Kudelka’s Nutcracker Bears yanked him from his seat and pulled him onto the stage right in the middle of Swan Lake to make an example of him! The entire corps de ballet rushed onto the stage and beat the stupid bastard mercilessly with their pointe shoes to get their “No Cell Phone” policy through the lunkhead’s melon! :devil:

#2 grace

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Posted 13 July 2003 - 03:44 PM

dear michael, i don't know if you're own personally quirky brand of humour will be fully appreciated, here - but *I'M* laughing! :devil: thanks for giving my morning a good start.

#3 mom2

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Posted 14 July 2003 - 03:45 PM

Actually, I don't think the pointe shoe beating worked.... :wacko:

Each performance I've attended this year seemed to have its share of cell phone nonsense. :angry:

Now my husband can sleep through anything :sleeping: ...but this would include the performance, so wouldn't be my chosen method of dealing with said interference.

Maybe I should just hold my breath? :green:

#4 creativejuice

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Posted 19 July 2003 - 04:49 PM

Below are My Top Ten Things that bother me about audience behavior at the Hummingbird Centre:

#10. Bovine gum chewers.

# 9. Those who don’t bath/shower on a regular basis.

# 8. Parents who bring their unruly children to Swan Lake.

# 7. People who think they’re at a ball game.

# 6. Coughing up a lung, kidney, liver and/or pancreas.

# 5. Of course, cell phones! GGGGrrrrr!!!

# 4. Someone who has mistakenly planted their _ _ _ in my seat even though their seat just happens to be in the oxygen mask section. I usually approach them with a polite:

Thank you for keeping my seat warm!


# 3. Chain smokers. There’s nothing quite like the lovely aroma of a nicotine stained human being.

# 2. Cologne\perfume with more power than Pepe Le Pu.

# 1. Inappropriate applause before a movement is finished by overzealous fans. I prefer to wait to show my appreciation at the end of a ballet or at the very end of a variation. Too much applause turns ballet from a moving experience to an athletic event.

* It should be noted, that for the most part, audiences in Toronto are a well-behaved bunch. It’s just a few who can be annoying. :angry:

#5 creativejuice

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Posted 20 July 2003 - 06:28 AM

So, the average NBoC fan is actually a non-bathing bovine gum chewing cell phone-loving smoker coughing up their pancreas while their kid screams during Swan Lake. They applaud at the wrong time, sit in the wrong seat, wear much too much cologne and generally behave like they’re at a ball game!

#6 grace

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Posted 21 July 2003 - 06:43 AM

yes, michael: we got your point. :wink:

i'm sure all canadian ballet fans aren't that bad...

#7 creativejuice

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Posted 21 July 2003 - 06:16 PM

:wink: Grace, could you please draw a picture of the above and post it to my message? The sight of a Holstein sitting at the Hummingbird Centre chewing gum and smoking while yakking away on a cell phone would surely produce a hearty guffaw!

#8 Paquita

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Posted 21 July 2003 - 06:27 PM

I find the audiences at the NBoC quite well mannered. Michael, perhaps you should visit the Mississauga Opera one time :wink: What an audience!! I went to see Aida, and even after the lights were dimmed and the conductor had bowed, some people were still chattering away! That is an act of rudeness I have never witnessed at the Hummingbird.
Yes, lots of parents bring young children to Swan Lake (even Kudelka's very dark version!). The kids may fidget a bit, but at least tickets are being sold! The problem is more when kids go see modern pieces. I remember when NBS grade 5's saw "Comforts of Solitude" and they started a chain of coughing because they were so bored and uncomfortable.
Finally, I don't think there is such thing as too much applause as long as it is appropriately placed and respectful. But there's a whole other thread about that...

#9 creativejuice

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Posted 21 July 2003 - 06:51 PM

Okay, I admit I employed a little hyperbole with the above comments. Though I have experienced all of the above at one time or another. I have never seen a Holstein at a ballet performance at the Hummingbird Centre. :wink:

#10 creativejuice

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Posted 21 July 2003 - 07:19 PM

Speaking of cows, I think it is long time they too be allowed to attend the ballet! Or, perhaps the ballet could come to them! It’s only fair. The average Holstein produces 128 glasses of milk per day! That’s a lot of nipple pinching! Cows don’t have it easy having to produce homo milk, 2%, 1%, skim, chocolate milk, and untold varieties of ice cream! BBBBrrrrrr! Below is a link to a little Cow Ballet Poetry: http://www.poetry4ki...townballet.html :rolleyes:

#11 mom2

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 04:58 AM

Perhaps if the Hummingbird Centre put notes on the chairs of patrons who didn't "behave" :blink: .....not those of us who wait until the last minute to renew... :innocent:

Proper Audience behaviour needs to be taught. Not a difficult lesson, but some instruction is nevertheless required. Unfortunately, with ticket prices for many things in the GTA soaring, folks may just stay away with the end result being VERY poor audience "skills" if they ever do make it out to a performance.


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