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¿Quien es mas macho?



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  1. 1. ¿Quien es mas macho?

    • Vladimir Malakhov -- Only someone very secure in his masculinity would wear that Technicolor Dreamcoat on National Television
    • Ethan Stiefel -- It takes a Real Man to ride his hog without a helmet. Did he play football that way, too?
    • Angel Corella -- Appreciates the company of a gorgeous woman. So what if she's his sister?
    • Jose Manuel Carreno -- Well, he is! Just look at him!
    • Mark Morris -- You have to be straight to be macho?

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After observing the manly men of ABT on PBS Monday night, I was reminded of a classic skit from Saturday Night Live (back when it was funny), the immortal gameshow, "¿Quien es mas macho?" ("Jack Lord es un poco mas macho que Lloyd Bridges!")

Thanks to the good folks at ABT and PBS, we're now poised to ask ourselves the same question, and, if we're brave enough, answer it.

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Not everyone had the same reaction to Malakhov's warm-up clothes...Here's a conversation I overheard after an adult dance class:

"How was the show?"

"It was great. They were all amazing! There was the Spanish guy. And the American guy. And the Russian guy."

"What was his name?"

"I can't remember; it's too hard. He talked about going off to study ballet as a child. It was Be- something."

"Oh, that's Maxim! Maxim Belotserkovsky? He's the one married to Irina Dvorovenko!"

"Oh yes, that's right. Yes, that was him."

No one mentioned chest hair or motorcycles.

I voted for him...

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I had originally posted a sixth choice in this poll: Alihaydee Carreno ("You have to be a guy to be macho?"), but decided to take it down as I became concerned that some might have interpreted Ms. Carreno's nomination as some manner of slur on her dancing, femininity, or both (in case the other person who voted for her was wondering what happened).

I actually thought Ms. Carreno's brief appearances were a delight -- a bit vulgar in a charming sort of way, but also with an engaging bravura, gutty show(wo)manship and sheer strength which looked as if she could've kept right on fouetteing through a brick wall without missing a beat. Given the context in which she appeared -- the coda of the Diana and Acteon pas de deux, in front of a few thousand wildly cheering Cuban ballet fans -- I thought her relentless, and, dare I say it, wild, approach was not only entirely appropriate, but artfully stole away some of Mr. Carreno's thunder, which was no mean feat as he had just finished doing a fine impression of Tarzan flying from tree to tree without the benefit of vines or trick photography. Or trees.

I also thought it would be wonderful if the only ballerina (but not the only diva!) on the program beat out the four macho men (and Ms. Carreno had been tied for the lead with Malakhov), but such perfection is perhaps best left to one's imagination. Besides, a joke isn't funny if ya gotta explain it.

My apologies to Ms. Carreno if any of the above came off as an aspersion.

I am now officially changing my dark-horse bet from Ms. Carreno to Mark Morris. Yes, he's a long shot, but I have faith in him, and the readers of BA.

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While I agree that sexual orientation has no relevance to one's macho quotient, Morris will have to tell Mizrahi not to compare him to Lillian and Dorothy Gish for the benefit of reporters before he can be accorded the title of Most Macho.

I voted for Malakhov, because Russians are always more macho (Nureyev owns the title in perpetuity, for my money). Of course, as we figure-skating fans know, a Russian man will wear anything. Who can forget Alexei Urmanov in his Swan Lake outfit, or Ilia Kulik winning his Gold Medal in an outfit that made him look like a tall, skinny bee?

I notice that people are voting and not backing it up with action, i.e., a post. Come on, 'fess up.

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One good thing about that show is I finally got Corella and Carreno straight! My daughter sent me to get tickets to see Corella and I got tickets to see Carreno...boy was I in deep trouble.

I love to watch Corella dance...but for macho you can't beat Carreno with that Cuban aura of strong manliness so he gets my vote.

That orange flourescent rehearsal costume that Vladimir wore keeps popping in my head and I just can't vote for him! :(

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I voted for Carreno. I can't believe Malakhov was trained at the Bolshoi...if it weren't for the long skirt, I wouldn't know who was Giselle and who was Albrecht. And since when are there fouettes in Diana and Actaeon? Sometimes I think Cubans would put fouettes into La Sylphide if they were sure the ghost of Bournonville wouldn't rise from the grave and force them all, wili-like, to dance petit allegro until dawn.

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Ooohh, this poll is sort of tastless... :) I voted for Carreno, but I really would have liked to voted for Marcelo Gomes. I don't care that he just came out in the Advocate, he's the sexiest thing on the ballet stage. Just watch him as the purple pimp in McKenzie's Swan Lake or the pimp in Taylor's Black Tuesday -- very macho! But forget the pimps, he appears most manly when he is lovingly partnering the ballerinas in Tchiak pas de deux, Giselle or Theme and Variations.

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