John D Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 I am writing some fiction and the little girl (Katie is about 5 years old) in my story is about to recieve ballet shoes as a gift. I know next to nothing about ballet so I need someone to check this part of my story to see if it sounds right. I'll just go ahead and give that part of the dialogue. The family has just picked up the box and the little girl is waiting to look inside. "Here it is Katie. Do you want to look inside?" "Yeah." "Ah, look at these! I think they are the professional kind, little toe shoes for the ballet. You are going to have to wait till we get home to try them on." "Lets hurry." After they get home the conversation about the shoes continues: "Let's get those slippers out so Katie can try them on." "Yeah here, what's the ribbon for?" "It holds the back part on." "Which is which?" "No left or right, they are both the same. They make a bunch of them by hand and just pick out the ones that look alike to make a pair. Here Katie, slip these on. This part goes around like this and the knot goes right here; tuck it under like this. Wow, look at those! What do you think Katie?" "I like them." "They're just a little big but it might be OK. They are very well made; are they comfortable?" "Yes." "Let's go find a place for this box." Some time later Katie is trying to put the shoes on by herself and has problems. "Philip, help me with these slippers. The ribbon doesn't work." "Katie, watch this. Around like this and around like that, and tie them together right here, and if you want to get real fancy, just pull this part over the knot like this." Does that dialogue sound OK to you experts out there? Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and thanks in advance for your help. John D
Leigh Witchel Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 John, A serious ballet teacher would not allow a five year old to wear pointe shoes. At absolute minimum she wouldn't be allowed to wear them before the age of nine, more likely later. A five year old would probably not be taking formal ballet classes, but pre-ballet or creative movement, and would be wearing soft leather slippers secured by elastic rather than ribbons. Best of luck.
Herman Stevens Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 Does that dialogue sound OK to you experts out there? Agreeing with Leigh on the subject matter, I hope you don't mind my saying not everybody thinks it's a great idea to put too much exposition material in dialogue form rather than straight prose. Contrary to what people think it's much faster and efficient to just put your research in 'observational' prose. You could let the girl just look and feel the pointe shoes (when she's at the right age) and handle the whle thing in a hundred words, rather than yet another page of dialogue that has very little forward momentum. This is a moment that asks for some kind of intensity. I'd say, check Hemingway's Nick Adams stories about catching trout and lighting fires for a good model on yr first pointe shoes, strange as it may sound. Dialogue is exciting when there is some hidden tension between speaker A and B (not necessarily in the form of WHo's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf-like conflict) rather than just mr A spelling uot the material to mr B, who asks the requisite dumb questions. On the other hand, this is what Plato did, and people are still reading him 2500 years later.
BalletNut Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 Welcome to Ballet Talk, John. I think it's important to do some research on the art of ballet, and training and all those things which seem nitpicky to a lot of people but make a big difference as far as authenticity is concerned. The pointe shoe age thing is one example. I encourage you to look around our forums, including our sister site, Ballet Talk For Dancers, to find the information you need, as well as other websites. That being said, although your questions are legitimate, I think this topic has served its purpose. While many of us on Ballet Talk love to read and write, this site is intended for the discussion of the art of ballet; we are not set up to give general writing advice. I'm sure there are forums and websites (and real live human beings) out there that can help with that end of things, but Ballet Talk isn't the best place for that. Of course, if you want to learn more about the art of ballet, you are more than welcome to join in our discussions. I'm closing this thread.
Recommended Posts