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Dancer Autobiographies


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Guest goldenpineapple

hey. i didnt read all of the posts so i don't know if anyone mentioned Chan Hon Goh's autobiography. it was quite inspiring!

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I'd go back and look but my internet is cantankerous this evening.

Someone wrote they found Allegra Kents 'Once a Dancer' more disturbing than Gelseys book(s)... having completed Kent's book for the umpteenth time this evening (i love holidays!) I would have to wholeheartedly agree. I wanted to reach into the book and shake her. Here was someone completely out of control of her life, blindly following whatever the newest stranger in her life told her to the last letter. Following instructions with absolutely no thought for what was actually sane and sensible. Her manipulative relationship with her mother is particularly disturbing.

If Gelsey was hell bent on destruction, it was from her own choices. Allegra didn't seem to have enough of a spine to make any decisions herself. Am i being very acidic? Yes.. but the book has infuriated me.

Eventually she was put on antidepressants indicating she was unwell. Still, I have never read a book of someone so irresponsible and unwilling to take charge of their own life. *shakes head*

Of course her eccentricities are probably what made her great.

(Edit: I went a little over the top with my criticism)

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Isn't it funny how two people can read the same book and come up with two completely different reactions? :shrug:

While I will concede that Allegra Kent did seem to live in la-la land alot of the time. I completely disagree with calling her spineless! Her mother sounded like a kooky gorgon, yet Allegra survived. Mr. Balanchine was constantly telling her to stop having so many children, yet she had three. After her marriage to Bert Stern broke up she made ends meet as a single mother to those three kids, without any help from him. These are just a few examples.

It seems to me that so many people were trying to fit her into thier idea of what she should be; dutiful daughter, ballerina, biddable wife, happy and contented mother, that the only way she could fight back was to simply and quietly do her own thing. Even if that meant following a stupid and ultimately pointless path.

I know it sounds completely loopy :D, because I don't know her personally, but I quess I feel somewhat protective of her or her image precisely because she does seem to posess such a fragile mind.

Just felt compelled to add my two cents, hope you don't mind! :)

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Katharyn, why would you read for 'the umpteenth time," a book that infuriates you? After finishing "Dancing on my Grave," my impression was that Gelsey blamed others for everything bad that had happened to her. I wasn't left with that impression from Allegra's book. Toward the end of "Once a Dancer..." she says, "What I regret is that it took so long for me to emerge into a somewhat normal person who could handle everyday life with easy grace. But it did happen."

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What I liked about Kent's book was she really gave the reader a sense of her growth as a human being. It's normal that as we get older we understand ourselves better (we hope), but it's rare that a writer can show us that journey. As Farrell Fan said, I didn't get that with Kirkland's books. In the first one, she looked to place the blame everywhere else but herself, very much like a child. "He was mean to me, so I didn't do well. He doesn't like me. It's his fault." However, reading it, I do feel badly for her. Maybe a different writer could have come up with a better book on her life. In fact, the reviews of Kirkland's first book were, in a way, far more interesting and better written than the book itself. Especially notable were the 2 contrasting views in Ballet Review and Anita Finkel's in her own New Dance Review.

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I think perky makes some good points about Kent. It's difficult in today's very changed environment to imagine the kind of pressures that were put on women not only to marry, but in all aspects of their lives (they haven't all disappeared, I should note). When I read her book, I was particularly struck by the episode in which she visits a therapist to talk about her failing marriage, and upon hearing that Kent is pregnant, the therapist tells her to head back to her husband like a good wife. That would not happen today. Without entering into too much facile psycholanalyzing, I had the impression that Kent, rather than asserting her rights and self-interest, resorted to indirect forms of resistance against the demands of her mother, husband, and Balanchine, some of which were self-defeating. I'm sorry she didn't whomp Bert in the head with a polo mallet, but it's a matter for great regret, not only for Kent personally but for the art of ballet -- that Balanchine and she didn't come to a better understanding. She had a great career, but it could have been even more.

Regarding Kirkland, I think it's a simplification to say she blames others, not herself. There's been too much denunciation of Kirkland merely as a Bad Girl. Melissa Hayden remarked to Robert Tracy that Kirkland " got too much too soon without the right kind of support." It's been observed that men generally turn anger and resentment outward toward others; women are more likely to take it out on themselves -- one way or another. Kirkland does her share of blaming, and although obviously very bright seems to be unusually lacking in self-awareness. However, it's quite clear from her book that she was forever dissatisfied with herself – her looks weren't right, etc. – leading to dissatisfaction with others. That's a misfortune – and as in Kent's case, there were artistic repercussions as well as personal ones.

Farrell Fan, people re-read fascinating but infuriating books all the time, don't they?

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I've read Kirkland's first book 3 times, once for myself, once to see if I thought it was OK for a teen reader, and once from a more professional perspective because I was curious about her mental state. I don't really know of much else about her life other than what I read in that book.

Based on those reads, I think that the label of "Bad Girl" logically descended on Kirkland. That book is a classic look into a disturbed mind; it ought to be required reading for psychologists. While Kent, in her autobiography, showed that she made some terrible choices, she could own up to them. Some of her choices originated from compassion, some were from fear; but she has the normal human ability to look back squarely at her actions and recognize her mistakes.

Kirkland, at the time of her writing "Dancing...." lacked that ability and was still operating from the egocentrism of a young child or of a disturbed adult mind. I know nothing of what became of her later other than that she's a sought after teacher. I hope that she was able to move past that early thinking because, as an artist onstage, she was brilliant and has much to offer dancers. It's a tragedy that her mind was so fragile that her dance career bloomed for so short a time.

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Actually of the two books Kirkland has written about her dancing career I much prefer the 2nd one which is called The Shape of Love.

It mostly focuses on her trying to get back into shape in order to dance Romeo and Juliet and The Sleeping Beauty with The Royal Ballet. How she prepares and struggles to maintain her idea of excellence for these two ballets and coaching a young dancer for Giselle, are more interesting to me than her previous book with it's emphasis on love affairs, drug habits, etc.

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Amen, Farrell Fan and perky!

Who among us has not acted stupidly and unwisely, sometimes suffering the consequences for years? Kent certainly should not be penalized for her admirable candor: it is only her divine artistry onstage that occasions such uncharitable remarks towards the all-too-human rest of her life. While I couldn't agree more that she should have whacked Stern once and for all, :green: , jail simply WOULDN'T have showcased her talents in the same way. (Remember, this was before "Chicago"....)

Does anyone recall one of the rare moments in Kirkland's first book where she shows compassion and wisdom towards Balanchine? {"I am sorry that Mr. B is gone. I have the feeling that we might be able to talk now. His disciples can defend him, but they cannot answer my questions with his inimitable voice...."} That was also Kirkland, and I think that is closer to the ballerina who wanted to give so much, the ballerina irreplaceable in our memories.

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Well, I was thinking a nice firm tap with the mallet, nothing fatal.  In any case, I feel certain that after hearing the whole story, no jury could possibly convict. :)

The most frustrating thing is Stern's relatively recent social and professional resurrection. I vote for the mallet -- her children would have profited from the escalated values of his existing original photos and the jury acquittal.

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He's a good photographer. I'll give him that. I love his pictures of Kent, a number of which are reproduced in her book (the woman looks stunning even while heavily pregnant, drat her). And his shot of Villella and Kent in "Bugaku" is almost iconic. Let's hope his family benefit from said resurrection.

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His picture of Villella and Kent in Bugaku is one of my all time favorite ballet pictures. It has such a subtle and erotic look to it, that a poster of it hangs in my husbands and my bedroom. Hopefully his character has changed enough through the years that he regrets many of his actions toward Allegra and his children.

However, at the time of his most awful behaviour towards her she should have slipped one of her pointe shoes in front of him and hoped that he would trip on the loose ribbons and fall in front of a speeding bus. :)

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Re Kirkland, I still have the "Time" magazine cover article from the late 1970s in which it was noted that she and her sister would cry (not for joy) when the other would do well on stage. I remember being particularly struck by that more than anything else in the entire article. It speaks volumes about one's mental state, as well as their home environment. Compare that, for instance, to the relationship between skater Michelle Kwan and her sister, Karen, also a skater, wherein the latter is always there for her sister and cries empathetic tears after performances.

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It was, however, great when Kent made Stern breakfast in bed, brought it to him, heard him say "where's my orange juice?"... she then brought a glass of orange juice and threw it in his face! Yes!

I must admit the Bugaku photo is a work of art...

Funny Face, two things-- you are right about the Kirklands' horrific home life, which GK details in Dancing on My Grave, and about her mental state. She has so often been a whipping girl, in some ways deservedly, but she was not ONLY a neurotic, solipsistic, drug-addicted brat. Dancing as exquisite as hers (at its best)

stems from the generosity of an artist.

And on a completely different thread, literally-- I realize this is in the wrong place and apologize in advance to the Powers that BE :innocent: -- FF, I saw the thread in Books where you were mentioning Rumer Godden and think that thread may be more or less defunct, being almost two weeks old, so wanted to tell you here that she and her sister have a marvelous memoir of their childhood years in India called Two under the Indian Sun. if you have not read it I most highly recommend it. lapidary, profound, crystalline, I could go on and on.

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