I love this topic. You're all providing me with a list of annoying things to learn to insert into my conversation, thus driving many people crazy.
I especially like what zerbinetta has to say about the misuse of "ironic." "It's tragic" is similarly misused. And what about "horrendous"? Is this indeed a word?
"No problem" is often a response to "thank you," which has always bothered me. It seems dismissive of one's previous statement of thanks. Sometimes it makes me feel I shouldn't have bothered. For some reason, "pas de probleme" in France doesns't have this effect on me. Did this usage actually
come from France, international center of all things classy?
A related issue involves "excuse me" used automatically, even fliply, without any suggestion that the speaker actually believes he/she is inconveniencing someone. Or, worse, "excuse
ME" or "Ex-
CUSE me" expressed sacrastically (or should I say, "ironically"?).
The Starbucks practice of using TALL for their SMALLEST size coffee is annoying. And how about "What's up?" or its contemporary variant "WAHZZUP"?
I was struck by how many of the phrases you've been listing involve ...
(a) reversal of letters ("aks") or transferral of consonant sounds ("ink" for "ing") -- some of these are indeed regional, as someone has said;
(b) misplacement of prepositions, ("on line/ in line"), again, often regional.
© borrowings from pop or youth culture.
(d) exagerrated use of exaggeration: "Absolutely" "horrendous" "it's a disaster/nightmare/catastrophe" etc. , to descrdibe things like a bad haircut.
(e) the desire to avoid the conventional forms one learned as a child. ("Thank you," "your're welcome," etc.)
and (f) long winded ways of saying simple things.
There's a
possible book in this topic, -- and a vast potential buying public of sharp, verbal, and slightly grumpy people like us -- for those adventurous enough to pursue the project.
The Ballet Talk Guide to Odious English, anyone?

(Note to kfw: my apologies for replacing your word "irritating" with the more grating term "odious." Exagerration is indeed the "name of the game" and "what it's all about" -- to use a couple of other irritating phrases.